How to Take 2 Kids to the Mall

1. It helps to have at least one other adult with you, but two other adults accompanying you and the kids would probably be better. Mom and I barely made it - as you will understand after reading the rest of the tips.

2. I highly recommend a baby sling to carry the newborn. He will probably sleep the entire time since you are walking and rocking him. It also prevents strangers from touching your baby.

3. It probably would be best to eat breakfast BEFORE you go to the mall. You might think its a simple method to go get some coffees and cinnamon rolls and eat them. It used to be simple. Now it is complicated. Chances are your two-year-old will see the train ride and keep demanding "Choo Choo!" over and over.

4. Bring plenty of change for the Choo Choo because rides now cost a dollar. Yes that's right, a whole dollar.

5. As you park the stroller over by the chairs and table, remember to REMOVE the coffee cups from the stroller BEFORE you release the child from the stroller. Because you now have two kids, you have loaded the stroller down with all kinds of things you "might" need. Of course, once the kid is removed from the stroller, the stroller will tip backwards launching coffee everywhere.

6. Prepare yourself that your two-year-old will probably be afraid of the Choo Choo ride. He will just want to walk around the ride but riding it is out of the question. He will have to be carried away and forced back into the stroller. (This is where another adult is essential. Having the baby in the sling across your chest pretty much makes you useless in this situation.)

7. Now it's time to actually try to accomplish what you came to the mall for in the first place. Pick a store that has a TV playing a kids' cartoon. Of course, your child will probably rearrange the chairs putting his favorite color (orange) right in front of the TV with the other chairs lined up behind it. Hopefully, no other kids will come in close proximity to the TV. When it's time to leave, your son will probably turn around and yell, "NOOOO!" like you are kidnapping him.

8. To avoid other yells, you will bribe him by telling him you will visit the playground. This will get him out of the store but then he sees the magical moving stairs (escalators). You agree to take him on the "ride" while the other adult finishes the shopping. Thankfully, he will forget about the playground promise.

9. Somehow you make it back through the department store without the 2-year-old in the stroller. You successfully reign him in - even with the baby strapped to your chest. You are beginning to be an expert baby slinger, er, baby-slinger-wearer. No dishes are knocked over even though you guys walk through the kitchen section without the second adult present.

10. You make it to the car when the baby wakes up wanting to nurse. You had tried to nurse him while the other kid was watching a cartoon in the store, but the baby didn't want to wake up (I knew that sling is comfortable!). On the car ride home, you decide maybe next time you'll bring 2 or 3 other adults. And you also know why you rarely see families with 3 kids at the mall. It must be next to impossible.